I am not my grades.
I am a good student. I know that I am smart enough, and I also work very hard on my homework. My high school and college grades were great. I thought I had succeeded: I work hard, have good grades, and am respectful to others.
The year after I graduated from college in 2018, I didn’t understand why I felt so anxious and worthless. My grades were so good; I was supposed to be living a successful, picture-perfect life! So I started going to therapy.
Now, I know that I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Yes, my grades are great, but college was an incredible struggle for me. I believed that Asian Americans shouldn’t feel anxious or suffer. I also didn’t know that I have ADHD. I thought homework was just a task that everyone suffered through immensely. I wanted to go to class on time, but every day, I’d be late. I thought peace was just an unattainable dream.
2021: I still go to therapy. I want to go to graduate school. I’m still scared of homework, but now I know:
I also need to be taken care of, to be respected, by myself.
Smart people, like me, can also need help.
Real, true peace exists.
我不是我的成绩。
我是一个好学生。我知道我够聪明，我也很努力做功课。我的高中和大学成绩都很好。我以为我成功了：我很用功，成绩好，很尊重别人。
我大学毕业那一年，2018，我不知道为什么我那么紧张，心情不好。我的成绩那么好，我应该成功完美！于是，我去了心理治疗。
现在我知道了，我有注意力缺陷多动障碍，焦虑症和抑郁症。我的成绩很好，可是，我大学读得很痛苦。我以为亚洲人不应该紧张、难过，我也不知道我有注意力缺陷多动障碍。我以为功课本身就是一件很痛苦的事。我想准时上课，可是我每天迟到。我以为平安只是一个遥不可及的梦想。
2021: 我还在接受治疗。我想去读研究生。我依旧害怕功课，可是我现在知道：
我也需要照顾，我也需要尊重我自己。
聪明的人，比如我，也需要帮忙。
真正的平安是存在的。
